Chocolate Covered Christian Goodness. DRAFT

A long time ago, mankind noticed that right after the fall of the year, they started getting hungry. And, they furthermore found out, if they had not stored up a lot of stuff JUST before fall, lots of times they died.

Dying is heavy stuff, even when you don't have a religion to make you feel better about it. But, they didn't have to wait long.. Winter Solstice actually has a scientific definition 'The winter solstice occurs at the instant when the Sun's position in the sky is at its greatest angular distance on the other side of the equatorial plane from the observer's hemisphere.' See, now that wasn't too hard? Any religious folks out there read that? Put away your chocolate jesus laying in a manger.. and just read that over again. Soon you will be thinking about reading OTHER stuff that is not religious. Who knows, the whole frontal lobe might start kicking in.

What is it regarding Christians and chocolate? On Christmas we give each other chocolate by the bucket loads. Valentines day. FUCK. I mean is there any other way to express your loyalty to god than to cover something in chocolate? I suppose cramming a cherry in it somewhere. I am still waiting for the cherry filled chocolate 'from the grave' zombie christ to be sold at Easter. What possibly could be the hold up? Certainly isn't good taste! I mean, if you really wanted to do the Passion Play correctly, why not have the Chocolate Roman Soldiers, with possibly licorice whips, beating up on the chocolate jesus (who melts in your soul, not in your hand) ... and maybe with some scientific help we can make the jesus chocolate activate when the licorice whips hit jesus's chocolate back.. and 100% Cherry Juice can ooze out of pre manufactured chocolate holes... symbolic of his bloody, yet tasty, suffering. Made in the Peoples Republic of Communist China, by five year olds.. again emphasizing the symbolic suffering with some real world 'suffer the little children' SIXTY MINUTES style.

I know at easter, one of the first things I do.. I grab the biggest chocolate cross, with Jesus on it, that I can find. I bite the head off right away. That way one cannot tell if it is Jesus or John the Baptist. Gives it more of a mysterious creamier chocolate symbolic meaning. I mean, why not smooth out the meaning with milk chocolate. I realize not everyone will agree with me, so there could be some Dark Chocolate headless crosses out there....all flavors of chocolate to all people.

And the Winner Is...

When you ask a pageant contestant a question you may not like the answer. Miss California, Carrie Prejean, has taken much heat recently about her opinion regarding same sex marriage (hint: she's against it). Plus, some semi-nude photos of her posing in underwear have surfaced. Now, the Miss California pageant is deciding whether or not to strip her of her title. Really? Was California on the verge of changing it's collective mind about allowing gay marriage until she opened her mouth? Are the photos any worse than the bikini portion of the pageant? Gone are the days when the pageant would be won by the dumbest girl with the largest hooters. Besides, nobody watches these things anyway. Meh.

Shaken not Stirred

Apple recently pulled an iPhone application called Baby Shaker from its iTunes store stating that the application was "... deeply offensive."
While shaken baby syndrome is an issue of great social importance, it's also important not to lose perspective.
Once again, the argument of what is acceptable and what is not rages between the people who want it and the people who don't.
To all of you "would be" iPhone app designers, here's a tip: if your app generates negative publicity, iTunes won't carry it. Since Apple is the sole proprietor of the iPhone (and what you can put on it) we are at their mercy. Although technology has changed, people haven't. Thankfully, no actual babies were harmed in the making of this application. I bet Jonathan Swift is laughing at us right now?
Meh.

Who Cares Wins?

Recently, both Jackie Chan and Jamie Foxx have been derided for publicly stating their opinions. Chan was chided for his comments about Chinese people "...need[ing] to be controlled." Foxx was flamed for his comments about Miley Cyrus "... need[ing] to make a sex tape" and "... grow up."
Keep in mind, Chan is a martial arts film star and Foxx is a comedian/film star. Both are in the entertainment business. Both have names which start with "JA-".
Sadly, these two men have failed to realize the yoke of their own stardom. They aren't allowed to express their opinion anymore whether it is right or wrong. Unfortunately, the media act like Nero fiddling while the careers of some celebrities goes down in flames.
Luckily, we critical thinkers can look past the hype and ask a very simple, yet, important question: "Who cares?"
Meh.

Polar Bear and Woman in CAGE MATCH

Here is the article. A woman jumps into a Polar Bear Den. She gets mauled. The question is, 'Should we shoot the Polar Bear or the Woman?'

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/04/11/polar.bear.attack/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Help us decide. POLAR BEAR or WOMAN. See Poll on site.

Uncle